up

I have always told Erika that she attracts fucked up people.

I still think it’s true, but I also think that everyone is a little fucked up and as we get closer to them, we see how. We see people who are different from us as fucked up. I’ll admit I’m incredibly guilty of this.

I’ve written other posts about my friends’ problems. Rachel and Julie have the most by far. I’m constantly worried that they won’t make it to the next phase of their lives. I worry that Rachel will outright kill herself, and Julie will neglect herself so much that she will go beyond saving. Abby is taking antidepressants because her grandma just died and she failed out of college. Hannah has to go to counseling because living with Sarah Steeves has given her self esteem issues. Sarah is obsessed with being thin, like so much that she puts laxatives in her coffee and tells anyone who eats carbs that they are fat. Reagan had seizures last year because she was so stressed out.

It isn’t always big problems like that. It’s also the little things, like how Holly has been on 80mg of Ritalin since she was 9 because she “can’t concentrate.” It’s how Claire is too weak to have a conversation about switching our cable provider in person, so we have to text about it when we live in the same house. It’s how Madison’s anxiety is so bad that she fails every test she takes because she is scared of failing. Dansby thinks her vagina is too small to insert a tampon, but I researched it and it’s just a symptom of severe anxiety.

Everyone is a little fucked up. I’m just grateful that I have friends to love me through all of the hard times. Without them, I’d surely be a lot more fucked up that I am now.

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