Do you know what your love language is?
I’m exactly the type of sucker that falls for ads like that. But this quiz actually helped me better understand myself and others. There are five languages of love: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, and acts of service. A person normally has one main language and they feel most loved that way.
Wanna guess what my love language is? I’ll give you a hint: I have a blog and I love to read. Yup, my love language is words of affirmation. By like a lot. Then I’m like 1% quality time and physical touch and 0% the other two.
It makes a lot of sense. Lindsay always tells me when she gets good grades because she knows I will tell her that I’m proud of her and I’ll make a big deal out of it. When a friend casually tells me they love me, it makes my day and reassures me. If someone leaves and doesn’t tell me goodbye, I feel like they don’t care if we never see each other again. I’m also arguably the least humble person I know, mainly because I want people to recognize my achievements and affirm them. Lots of people see that as a bad quality, but I just want people to react to my success like I react to theirs: with joy for my friend.
I don’t constantly need affirmation, but I like people to acknowledge when I’ve done something cool. When I tell people I got a 4.0 this past semester while taking 16 hours including biochemistry II, molecular genetics, and a writing intensive cancer research lab, I want them to say, “Wow, Katie, that is really amazing and those were tough classes. You worked really hard and I am so proud of you.” I’ve never claimed to be humble. I don’t need people to tell me I’m pretty or smart or successful, but I feel close to people when I share stuff like that about myself.
After I realized how much this actually described me, I made everyone else take it too. My mom is acts of service and it explained why we spent this past Mother’s Day weekend hanging lights in the backyard, sanding furniture, and washing her car. She feels most loved when we take time out of our day to help her with something. Now I understand why it makes her day when I do the dishes instead of telling her I love her. My dad always has a huge list of things he needs to do around the house.
Cassidy is receiving gifts and acts of service. She always says that we aren’t the type of girls that people feel the need to take care of, but she still wants someone to take care of her. When I want to let Cassidy know I care about her, I take out the trash because I know she hates it more than any other chore. Gifts for Cassidy don’t have to be outrageous. She is very into fashion and is starting a fashion blog, which means I could never get her anything like clothes or jewelry because I don’t trust myself to pick out something she likes. Instead, I get her beer and wine after a tough day and we drink and bitch together. It’s a beautiful friendship.
Paige is quality time. We were so close freshman year because we spent tons of time together just doing nothing. We laid in her bed, worked out, walked to class, and studied together. We weren’t always talking, but we were together a lot and that’s what mattered. Just the other day I went over and sat in her room as she packed. Thank God she didn’t ask me to help. We just sang along to the music and I occasionally listened to her ramble about her new boyfriend, Robert. I didn’t have to say much back, I just had to be there and listen.
I even made a lot of my guy friends take the quiz and they all got physical touch, but when I was reading the book it said many men make this mistake. It’s easy for guys to get caught up in touch, but they need to step back and say, “If she never said she loved me but still had sex with me, would I feel the same way?” Basically, if you take sex out of the equation or think about how you like your friends and family to show there love, is it still touch? Do you enjoy hugs from everyone? If not, think about the ways you receive love from your friends and go from there. All of my guy friends changed their love language after they thought about it from a different angle, even though touch and sex is still an important way for them to receive love.
I highly recommend taking the five love languages quiz. I feel like it helped me accept myself and learn about others. I have never been so happy to be the girl that falls for the stupid love quizzes on Facebook. I’m definitely making my next boyfriend take this, so watch out.