need

Since I dropped Grace off at Jacob’s, I’ve only had face-to-face contact with my therapist. lol. I’ve only texted Jenna and Erika texted me. It’s always good to talk to them.

I’ve thought about texting or calling other people, but then something stops me. I can’t be dependent on other people. I don’t need anyone else to be happy. I keep expecting Julie to call me because she kept telling Grace that she was so worried about leaving me. I guess she’s not that worried. I basically begged her to let me come with her to her lake house, which was our original plan for spring break, but then Rod said he could come home for the week. She wanted to spend time with Rod, which I get, but I just wanted to come for a day or something. Besides, they don’t even make out horizontally so it’s not like they need a ton of alone time. Whatever. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need Julie and her boyfriend and I don’t need Grace and her boyfriend.

I’ve been staying at my grandparents’ house since the sorority house closed for break. They are in Atlanta for some math conference that my grandpa is speaking at. They knew I was staying here, but they left me nothing. They literally left me an empty fridge. Seriously though, all it has is some eggs, moldy bread, and like 4 different types of parmesan cheese. I don’t want to ask my parents for any more money so I’m just eating the eggs (already gone), ice cream (half gone), and the Atkins diet meal bars my grandma has stocked in the pantry (endless supply). At least I won’t starve.

I laid out by the pool yesterday. The pool is freezing and it looks like hasn’t been cleaned all winter. There’s not one, but two dead frogs in it and tons of nasty stuff on the top so there’s no way in hell I’m getting in that. I fell asleep outside yesterday and my chest and shoulders are fucking fried. I look like a lobster and m skin is already rough and wrinkly. I always burn the first time I lay out for the season and it sucks. I hope I peel fast so I can start my real tan.

My grandparents’ wifi isn’t working so I’m tying this whole thing out on my phone. I don’t have netflix or even the internet to do my homework, so I’ll have to venture out into society eventually. I’ve read every book on my kindle at least four times and I can’t buy anymore because, surprise, I need wifi. I’m basically dying here.

I still have my grandparents’ golden retriever Max. He is kind of comforting, even though he eats his own shit, barks all the time, and throws up everywhere. He needs me for food and water, so I have to be a least a little bit responsible. He’s more of a pain than anything, but if I was actually alone I think I would be scared to death. I sleep downstairs on the couch with Max and he warns me when the wind blows too hard.

I’ve made this my own man vs wild episode: katie vs suburbia. I can survive without food or human contact and be fine. I don’t need anybody and I don’t want anybody to need me. There’s a Planet Earth marathon on tonight so that’ll keep me pretty busy.

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