last night together // Jack’s house

Although my squad from my homaha post are my main friends in Nebraska, I’m still close with a lot of my other friends from high school. This group is a little more divided and we only get together every once in a while. Blake goes to Doane, Leah goes to Creighton, Jack goes to Mizzou, Erika goes to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and Cory and Rachel go to Metro Community College.

I’m much closer to Erika than I am to anyone else.

Erika and I are incredibly different but somehow the same. She puts everyone before herself while I don’t let anyone walk all over me. She cares for people unconditionally while I easily tire of  putting effort into a relationship that is going nowhere. She considers others’ feelings before she speaks while I bluntly state every thought that pops into my head. Erika let her ex boyfriend dump her six times and is still friends with him and his new girlfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years a few days before Christmas and then blocked his number for over a year. Obviously neither one of us dealt with the end of relationship in a mature or healthy way. In the past I have thought these differences made Erika better than me, but I have come to realize that both of our personalities have flaws.

Erika has this aura about her. To me, she is blinded by idealism. She still sees the world through a the lenses of a toddler who hasn’t yet seen bad in the world, which is very impressive because she’s seen some really fucked up shit. Erika seems to think her life will be some great love story, worthy of Nicholas Sparks authoring her biography. It used to be easy for me to laugh at her world view, but I grow increasingly irritated at the way she handles her life. But she doesn’t agree with most of my choices either. We’ve fought enough to know that our opinions are welcome but will rarely change each other’s thoughts or actions.

Jenna and I are alike in all of the ways Erika and I aren’t, but our worlds are completely opposite so our personalities are still quite different.

Jenna is one of the coolest people I have ever met. I feel instantly more cool in her presence. Jenna goes to UNL and is in Delta Gamma. We share a lot of similar experiences because we are both in sororities. Jenna has an amazing voice, is a talented artist, and always looks put together. We are both academically ambitious and enjoy planning. When I have a crazy idea I always want to tell her because chances are very high that she’s had the same idea or wants to talk about mine. I’m also, not so secretly, insanely jealous of her relationship with her boyfriend, Ben. They’ve been dating for like five years. Ben is in the marines and he’s stationed in North Carolina so they are doing the long distance thing for now. They are both completely happy and independent without the other, but are happier with them. They have the most functional relationship I’ve ever seen.

Rachel has a lot of problems. Rachel has schizophrenia. Rachel tried to attend UNL with Erika, but had to drop out due to her illness. She’s made so many suicide attempts that her birthday is a real celebration of her surviving another year of life. On That Really Fucked Up New Years Eve, she tried to commit suicide in the bathroom with Blake’s razor blades. We had to hold cloths to her arms and wait for the ambulance. We were relieved that the cuts were across her arm and not vertical so she didn’t really mean business that night. She’s been hospitalized quite a few times. In her most recent stay at the mental hospital, she met this 32 year old man and fell in love. She’s 19. He has an 8 year old child. Seriously, this is some One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest shit. but worse. As long as she isn’t anorexic and depressed, I’m fine with the guy. I just want her alive.

Erika, Jenna, Rachel and I named our group message the GMhOes based on a stupid joke that I don’t even remember, but it stuck. We used to hang out together a lot, but there’s been some drama so we didn’t hang out much this break. Hopefully things can get back to normal this summer.

(Jenna is not pictured but is gorgeous)


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